(Why is it that I feel more productive when I have my hair up?)

I'm learning more and more about myself every day....especially since coming back from France.
I've been constantly analyzing my feelings and choices, and I am happy with the person I am becoming.
I learn more about myself at work, here at my house, out at parties with friends...some things I am proud of, others I wish to change.

1. I have been very nervous at work since starting at the rec center, and I don't know why but I felt like everything I did was under constant surveillance and I would be severely scrutinized if I were to make even the slightest mistake. I began to lose focus, and starting making even more errors than I normally would just because I was so stressed about getting everything right. The first few weeks working in the new positions I was trained for were hard for me. I also felt like the other employees thought I was incapable of doing easy, simple tasks like counting down my cash drawer (which I had botched twice in a row in 2 weeks) and started to worry about whether or not they were thinking about giving me the boot (I think some of this paranoia stems from having been "let go" from Food Dance earlier in the summer). The past week has been increasingly better. I come to work with a positive attitude and have been more focused, less worried about what others have been saying/thinking, and I go and do my job and leave. I try and pick up extra shifts when possible, to make up for the blunders I've created since starting. I've written e-mails to the accountant apologizing for my mistakes with the cash drawer (I see her all the time walking around the building, too, but she never acknowledges me). I wonder if she's just like that, or if she is just bitter about us students making her job hard. I'll never know unless she looks at me next time she walks by the control desk and notices that I've been smiling at her the whole time, waiting to start a friendly conversation.

2. My changes in diet and concern for health is currently occupying my life more than ever, and I am learning what I should and shouldn't eat, what is harmful to my body, and how I can prevent disease. I feel since growing up my mom has always instilled in me a passion for health, because she raised us kids to be conscious from day 1 to properly nourish ourselves. I am always reading labels, checking times things are cooking and expiration dates on packaging. There are those who approach me and say it is not necessary to be so strict. I personally feel that if you are constantly putting things into your body without knowing what they contain, you will end up doing harm to your body and you will feel your energy decrease as the years go by. I have given up fast food, become a vegetarian, and tried veganism all this year. Just recently I began eating small amounts of dairy because I found my body was asking for eggs and cheese and milk, but I am trying to buy only cage-free eggs and organic milk without added hormones. It is more expensive, but I will pay a few dollars more to stay healthy. I would not be so passionate about something if I didn't feel it were such an important thing. Health and nutrition have become a large point of interest in my life, so when I recommend using something like Flax Seed to replace oil because we've run out or applesauce or bananas to replace butter, it's not because I'm trying to get you to eat like I do. I only encourage a healthy lifestyle and wish that those around me keep an open mind so one day they might try healthy alternatives to processed foods and feel their bodies open up to a newer, cleaner diet.

(to be continued)